Embracing Authenticity
Have you ever found yourself admiring someone so much that you began to lose sight of your own self worth? Questioning if you were good enough? Perhaps it was a colleague you believed to be more successful, a friend who seemed effortlessly charismatic, or a role model you saw as having it all together. We’ve all been there—putting others above us while quietly diminishing ourselves.
For years, I struggled with this. I admired certain individuals so much that I began to model myself after them. At first, it seemed like a great idea: “Why not learn from the best?” I thought. But over time, I realised that I was becoming disconnected from what was important to me, ignoring my own value, my own voice. By trying to become like them, I was moving further away from the person I truly was. It took a long time, but in the last decade I eventually understood the importance of embracing my authentic self.
Let me share some of the things I’ve learned along the way. They’ve helped me, and I believe they can help you too.
The first thing I learned:
#1 Recognising the Trap of Comparison
When you look up to someone and start thinking they’re better than you in some way—maybe you think they’re more intelligent, better at business, or more successful—you unknowingly begin to put yourself down. You become overly conscious of what you perceive to be their strengths and then all you can see in yourself are flaws. This is a trick of the mind that throws you off balance.
Comparison is a double-edged sword. While it might inspire growth in small doses, the moment you begin to compare excessively, you risk losing sight of the qualities that make you unique.
I’ve found that the more I magnified the strengths of others, the more I undervalued my own. And that’s when uncertainty crept in—when I began to doubt my ability to succeed on my terms.
The key to breaking free from this trap is recognising that no one is without flaws, and that every person you look up to (and down on by the way!) is just as human as you are. By remembering that they (and you) have both strengths and weaknesses, you can begin to see yourself on equal footing and appreciate yourself more.
#2 The Danger of Living By Others’ Values
When you secretly put yourself down in the presence of others, you risk unintentionally absorbing their values. You start to feel that you should behave a certain way, achieve specific goals, or act according to their standards. For me, this often manifested as inner dialogue filled with “shoulds” and “musts”. I’d hear a little voice telling me, “I must be more like them.” It never felt right, but I ignored it and suppressed it—this works for a while, but it’s not great for your mental well-being.
Here’s the problem: living by someone else’s values creates conflict within you (even if you don’t realise it). It’s unsustainable because, deep down, your heart and inner mind want to live by what truly matters to you. Whether it’s career success, family, creativity, or health—your values are unique to you. By trying to emulate someone else’s life, you’re abandoning your true self, which leads to a lack of fulfilment and a sense of disconnection.
#3 Owning Your Unique Strengths
It’s vital to recognise that the traits you admire in others also exist within you. Every time I found myself admiring someone’s charisma, I learned to ask myself, “Where in my life do I show that same trait?” When I saw someone else succeeding in a way I envied, I started to reflect on how I was achieving success in my own way and how I had channelled my own unique strengths to do so (without comparing myself to theirs – see post #1!). This practice of reflective awareness changed everything.
The truth is, the moment you acknowledge that the greatness you see in others already exists within you, you stop minimising yourself. You begin to realise that you’re enough. You stop trying to fit into someone else’s life and start building your own.
Conclusion: The Freedom of Authenticity
Living authentically isn’t about being perfect. It’s about showing up as you are, with your unique strengths and unique flaws, and knowing that you are enough. By letting go of the need to compare or compete, you can embrace your full potential without fear of judgement. Your value isn’t determined by how you measure up to others, but by how closely you align with your own highest values.
Take a moment to reflect: what are your true values? Where have you been comparing yourself to others, and how can you begin to honour the unique strengths that lie within you?
The journey to authenticity is ongoing, but each step brings you closer to the balanced, empowered life you deserve.
Cheers, James.
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